silence.

又來到這個港口

心疼不是因為你所講的而是你所想的…

痛…

Filed in Uncategorized 1 day, 20 hours ago

i’m forcing myself to write my diary in english because my english in
written or spoken skill have been moving towards a lower standard,
retrograded(that’s the word, i can’t find the opposite of IMPROVE ftw), and
yes my english is getting worse.
thanks to msn, whatsapp and any messengers that had been installed in my
computers and phones! thanks for giving me chance to practise my broken
english and improve my manglish!
imma polish up my english for MYSELF
i don’t wanna fall behind college students, or even high school kids!

i wonder is it most of the malaysians couldn’t speak in proper way in
whatever languages
even i doubt on my cantonese and mandarin, it’s not formal enough, and not
genuine too. should i proud of our satu malaysia, manglish?
i feel weird when i start typing my post in proper chinese, you know, it’s
not the way i speak to everyone every single day. i feel myself being
pretentious if i continue writing in such way.

*ahem*
i’ve been browsing through my google reader few days ago. a blog post
written by a best fren of mine in secondary school caught my eye. we have
not met each others for quite a period, maybe only once or twice after
graduation. i’m proud of her, she did very well academically, i guess. her
post is regarding path choosing, future, anxiety, life! she’s actually
reviewing what she’d written 2 years ago.
well, i can remember what i’ve written, should be grumblings, useless
narcissism post to attract idiots.
i am not mature enough, sexy and i know it. but she can, why cant i?
forcing myself to act in her way, talking and behaving like an adult.
please, i am going to 2x this year. i’ll be married if i’m lucky enough,
unfortunately, i’m not.
one of my resolution of year, stop acting like the one you’re not
i try to be myself. what i need is spend more time talking to the inner me,
think further, speak wiser, do better!
back to her topic
the way i feel after reading the post is that well-written post, she has
good english T_T i did spend some time to check definition for a few
vocabulary from google dictionary. seriously, fml.
and her mind is contented, mature enough to encounter obstacles, stride for
what she wanted, doing things which she wanted few years ago. in
contrast, i should get a F for failed, for my life. this makes me having a
strong feeling to deliberate on my future, what i really want, is this the
life i want to pursue
conclusion is that i was inspired to blog in english *laugh*